When Did I Start Doing This For Me? How Choosing Yourself Changes Everything
Here's a question I didn't know I needed to ask myself: Who am I actually doing this for?
I used to go to the gym with my ex. He was a personal trainer, so on paper, it looked perfect—couple goals, fitness journey, all that. He'd create these elaborate workout plans targeting every muscle group. I had access to expertise most people pay for. But here's the thing: I wasn't showing up for me. I was showing up for the aesthetic of us as a couple. For his dream of becoming a well-known trainer. For the image.
And you know what happens when you're performing for someone else? You don't actually do the work. I had all the routines. I didn't do them. Because when your motivation lives outside of you, it dies the second you're alone.
The Wake-Up Call I Didn't Want
Then came my annual checkup. My doctor looked at my bloodwork and said something that changed everything: "If you don't get your blood sugar levels under control, you'll have diabetes within five years."
Insulin shots. That's what I saw. And I knew—I knew—that wasn't the life I was choosing for myself.
So I did what any of us do when we're finally ready: I researched. I bought two keto cookbooks from Barnes & Noble. I committed. Ninety days later, I'd lost ten pounds. But here's what matters more—my blood sugar levels dropped so significantly that my doctor was genuinely impressed.
That's when I realized something: The body I wanted my ex to give me with his plans? I built it myself. The curvy, hourglass shape I'd been chasing? I created it on my own terms, without his help or anyone else's.
What This Taught Me About Self-Relationship
You have to do it for YOU for it to mean something. For it to last.
Not for the attention from the opposite sex. Not for compliments. Not even for how good you'll look in a bikini. Those things are nice, sure. But they're not a sustainable fuel.
Do it because you want to live longer and see your children grow up. Do it because you want to feel confident and beautiful in your own skin. Do it because you want to feel safe in your body. Do it to understand yourself better.
The hard part? Maintenance. It's easy to lose weight. It's easy to gain it back. But maintaining the body you've grown to love—that's when I realized this had to be a lifestyle, not a "summer body goal."
What Happened After I Chose Me
I became so in love with myself that I'm protective of who gets to see my body. I don't need to show off the way I used to. My body is for my eyes—and my partner's—because I'm the one who put in the work. I'm the one getting up at 3 AM to spend two hours at the gym. I'm the one grocery shopping and meal prepping to maintain what I've built.
Now? I'm energized to start each week. I grow more in love with the body I've created every single day.
What makes this journey powerful, impactful, and long-lasting is this: I did it for me. No one forced me. I chose myself. I chose health and built it for myself.
This was the beginning of me choosing me—and putting real action behind it.
Three Practical Practices to Start Choosing Yourself that you can implement today to prioritize your well-being and self-love.
1. Ask the hard question: What am I currently doing for someone else's approval? Where am I performing instead of living?
2. Find your non-negotiable: What's the wake-up call you're not willing to ignore? For me, it was my health. What's yours?
3. Redefine maintenance as love: Consistency isn't boring—it's proof you care. What daily practice can you commit to that honors the relationship you're building with yourself?
The Truth About Choosing You
Self-relationship work isn't about becoming someone new. It's about finally showing up for who you've always been—and treating that person like they matter.
Because they do, you do.
So here's my question for you: What would change if you stopped doing things to be seen—and started doing them to see yourself more clearly?
Want to know where you are in your relationship with yourself? Take my free assessment here.
